zette

The end of 2008 is probably the best time for me to retrospect. I’ve lived for two decades—a score, a quarter (Cross your fingers!) of my life. So much has happened in all those twenty years and when you think about it, life is just beginning to happen.

Let’s start with friends.

When I started college, I tried to move away from my high school friends. I was bitter and hurt from all the things that happened during our last few months together. I felt that our friendship has started to unravel and like some of the friends I once treasured and thought I couldn’t be without, they will move on and I will find myself a new bunch of friends to hang out with in college (which I did). I still tried to evade them now still thinking along the same line of reasoning as then but I now realize after giving it another try that this is something I would never be able to accomplish.  Why?

We have changed a lot that is true. But we have changed a lot TOGETHER. The old friends I have—some of them I’ve known since preschool. We’ve been together all our lives that I can’t picture living my life without them being a part of it. I love them. And every time we have a reunion or a simple get-together, I am reminded of the things that made us bond, that made me love them and hate them and can’t live without them.  I’m stuck and I’m glad I am.

Then, my makeshift family.

I’ve been caught up in the tangled web my father made for the last twelve or so years. Thank God that after all those years, I’m finally used to it.  After the confrontation my stepmom and I had with him and when I got to tell him how I felt, I was suddenly relieved of my misery. I have no hang ups with him anymore. I cannot change who he is and what he has done and is doing. I’ve got to take him or leave him as he is and since I do not rest well with the idea of being an orphan, I’ve got to stick with my dad. He’s not so bad when he’s not a miser. And he loves me. I know this much is true.

Finally…

Life is the pursuit of happiness and you’ve got to get all the happiness you could possibly get because life ends too soon. That’s what I’ve learned. This year has been a happy one and for that I’m grateful.

I’m happy and grateful that…

I’ve met a lot of new friends this year, thanks to the AAO, AtFest ’08 and my friends.

I’ve gotten over a lot of things. I think I can have a love life now. HAHA

I watched a lot of TV shows, movies and animé to my heart’s content and delight.

I got to bond with my family and friends, old and new.

I’m still a BS Accountancy student despite the fact that my scholarship might be cut off mid-January.

We won at the Cheerdance Competition and somehow I helped in it.

2008 was a pretty good year. I hope 2009 will be better.

Blahg

So I took the hideously ugly Christmas card his ex sent us and let the cat chew it up.  I could leave it at this and hear my half a reader say oh how funny or how fitting.  But the truth is that I'm friendly with his ex.  She did the right thing by dumping my husband and we're nothing but friendly.  She's a very talented artist who is finally selling her artwork and I'm happy for her.  This card was not one of the better examples of her talent.  What does bother me is my "stepson".  He never calls or communicates with his half brother.  You could say that his half brother should initiate communication but his "brother" is 11 and he is 23 old enough to know better.  Then again there has never been a relationship with his father.  We did meet when he was 16 -- he was a shy kid with not much personality.  He's now an cynical adult who believes in nothing spiritual and probably will serve him well in the world of physics.  Problem is what is he going to get a job doing with a degree in physics?  Also the most "scientific" people I've know are usually the smost spiritual.  The rotten kid never thanked me when I sent him a hundred bucks four years ago when I had it to spare.  When you're a "grown up" your mom shouldn't have to say your thank yous for you.  I go back to work tomorrow and I'm not happy about it.  A week off wasn't enough.  Should have tried to win the lottery between last week and now.  When I started this job I thought my salary was a small fortune.  Now I feel like I'm being underpaid and found out I don't get a raise till I'm there for a year.  Six more months and then I have to fight for what I consider a fair raise (so I've been told).  Maybe if my lazy ass husband went out and got a real job it wouldn't be an issue.  But he's a lazy fuck.  I paid almost two thousand bucks to send him to driving school for his CDL and he's made no effort to find anything.  Instead he cleans the karate studio for 900 bucks a month a job he goes to every day.  I had to tell the numb nuts who run the place that he deserved something for Chistmas.  They said in his next check.  Shit, I have to be the one to ask.  I married such a useless wimp.  And now I'm stuck with him.  I can't put myself through another divorce.  He has some practical use I'm just trying to figure out what it is.  He does the wash.  (I could send it out.) He cleans the house only when I press it and frankly I'm sick of pressing it.  Basically he does nothing but write useless stuff in diaries and the like and says he's busy.  I'd love to see him have to pay the bills.  And so it goes.

Currently listening to: son talking to cat
Currently reading: nothing
Currently watching: taping Juno
Currently feeling: pissed

Blahg

The cats are bouncing off the wallls something which occurs nightly.  Now they are sitting on the radiator the two cute faces staring at me.  I call them my "kattens" as they are are still kittens but almost the size of a full cat.  Gordon is my baby.  He will snuggle up to me or fall asleep on me in the strangest positions.  It's hard for me to believe he's living and breathing.  Maybe he knows the sadness and horrible guilt I still feel for leaving my cat behind at the mercy of my cocksucker ex husband.  I had not choice.  I couldn't take him with me and I know I left my poor kitty in the hands of a sick bastard.  He used to beat up both the cats and did things that I still cringe to think about.  I hug Gordon close and try not to think about Nonie.  I don't want to cry.

Currently listening to: garbabe on t.v.
Currently reading: fuck this
Currently watching: nothing ignoring t.v.
Currently feeling: not sure

Currently feeling: cold